Trying to generate creativity...

Alexis Bledel is the most awkward huger in the world. Every single hug she is part of in all her movies and in all episodes of the Gilmore Girls, is awkward as hell. 

I think most people find me cold, abrasive and stuck up. I am fully aware that that’s the image I give. I can’t really help it, though. I’m not a talkative, fun person. I don’t small talk, unless it’s with close friends. Otherwise it just becomes awkward (unless I mentally prepare myself for it; and even then it’s awkward). It usually hurts me when I see people’s reactions to my behavior; mostly because I’m aware of it, but can’t really do much about it. I really try hard to understand other people and accept them for who they are, because I find the diversity quite beautiful (when I free myself of thoughts that I’m the only one who’s right). But somehow I can’t seem to get that same acceptance from other people. I’m not blaming anyone for anything, because I’m aware that we all function in different ways; but sometimes, most times, it hurts me that people overlook me because of who I am. I was talking to a friend recently about how I sometimes wish I was more extroverted and more of a people’s person, and she asked me would I feel better and more myself if I started acting more like an extrovert. The answer is of course no, I wouldn’t. It’s kind of an obvious-answer question, but still. I tend to want to be more likable. But in the long run, that’s not what I really want. A bunch of people around me. Wanting to be with me all the time, because I’m so nice to be around. … Not really me. I do actually like myself; the person I am. Not everything. But the basics. I like the basics. And those rare few who are close to me, I think they like me as well. Not everything, but they stick around anyhow. And I appreciate them immensely because of it. However, from time to time I do wonder whether life would be … easier? Happier? More fun? … if I started acting differently. But even writing it makes me uncomfortable. I’m not that person. Probably never will be. I have some slightly extroverted phases from time to time, but they always drain my energy. Maybe there will be a time in my life when I will be more comfortable with expressing feelings, and generally be a more pleasant person. But I can feel that time isn’t now. I’m a nice person, really. It just takes time to know me and adjust to me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t put any effort into friendships. I do. But that’s mostly when I see that a friendship is going somewhere. Otherwise, I just keep it cool. And rude. And unpleasant. … Hm…