Trying to generate creativity...
Everything interests me, but nothing holds me.
Fernando Pessoa 

I get so frustrated when people talk like they have grasped the truth of the universe. Wow, man. You really got it all figured out. I can’t believe we all haven’t thought of that sooner! … I really dislike scholars (or “scholars”) who claim to have found an absolute truth. Seriously, how can anyone be so egoistic and self-confident? There’s a whole bunch of knowledge and facts out there and we usually tend to manipulate it to work in our favor. That should be a presupposition in every research, every lecture and any sort of public sharing of ‘the truth’. People who don’t have the balls to confess that they might not be completely right are just simply wrong right from the start. 

I realize that this whole thing sounds like a contradiction coming from me, but the thing is, as much as I pretend I’m right the whole time, I realize I’m not - and I am more than ready to admit that. I love people who devote their lives to research and knowledge about the world, but I believe a true scholar is one who knows how to admit they’re wrong, or at least not a hundred percent right. When one starts claiming they possess the one truth, meaning everything they say is right - they need to be put in a mental institution.

People who possess any kind of truth, are humble, open-minded people, who don’t mind dialogue and learning. Those are the kind of people who have something to give to the world. 

I find this to be an extremely accurate description of my thoughts regarding sharing of feelings.

I find this to be an extremely accurate description of my thoughts regarding sharing of feelings.

Random thoughts…

I don’t like when people have a compulsive need to interrupt the silence by just stating random facts about whatever they see, or whatever comes to their mind just because they can’t stand silence. I get that people need to talk, and that’s ok. But sometimes… 

On a different note… I’m at the coast and will stay here for another three weeks. It’s wonderful. Croatian coast is the most gorgeous place… especially the islands. It is ok to be jealous. 

http://twentytwowords.com/2012/05/16/the-loneliest-nightmare/

That’s freakin’ terrible, man. That’s my worst nightmare, too! 

http://twentytwowords.com/2012/05/16/the-loneliest-nightmare/

That’s freakin’ terrible, man. That’s my worst nightmare, too! 

I think most people find me cold, abrasive and stuck up. I am fully aware that that’s the image I give. I can’t really help it, though. I’m not a talkative, fun person. I don’t small talk, unless it’s with close friends. Otherwise it just becomes awkward (unless I mentally prepare myself for it; and even then it’s awkward). It usually hurts me when I see people’s reactions to my behavior; mostly because I’m aware of it, but can’t really do much about it. I really try hard to understand other people and accept them for who they are, because I find the diversity quite beautiful (when I free myself of thoughts that I’m the only one who’s right). But somehow I can’t seem to get that same acceptance from other people. I’m not blaming anyone for anything, because I’m aware that we all function in different ways; but sometimes, most times, it hurts me that people overlook me because of who I am. I was talking to a friend recently about how I sometimes wish I was more extroverted and more of a people’s person, and she asked me would I feel better and more myself if I started acting more like an extrovert. The answer is of course no, I wouldn’t. It’s kind of an obvious-answer question, but still. I tend to want to be more likable. But in the long run, that’s not what I really want. A bunch of people around me. Wanting to be with me all the time, because I’m so nice to be around. … Not really me. I do actually like myself; the person I am. Not everything. But the basics. I like the basics. And those rare few who are close to me, I think they like me as well. Not everything, but they stick around anyhow. And I appreciate them immensely because of it. However, from time to time I do wonder whether life would be … easier? Happier? More fun? … if I started acting differently. But even writing it makes me uncomfortable. I’m not that person. Probably never will be. I have some slightly extroverted phases from time to time, but they always drain my energy. Maybe there will be a time in my life when I will be more comfortable with expressing feelings, and generally be a more pleasant person. But I can feel that time isn’t now. I’m a nice person, really. It just takes time to know me and adjust to me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t put any effort into friendships. I do. But that’s mostly when I see that a friendship is going somewhere. Otherwise, I just keep it cool. And rude. And unpleasant. … Hm… 

A video of demotivational posters concerning INTPs. Very true. 

Deep Emotion

The most commonly cited characteristic of the INTP is an unemotional demeanor.  Thorough descriptions of the archetype will qualify this characteristic by noting that INTPs will (on rare occassion) release enormous volumes of emotion in innocent childlike outbursts.

These emotional outbursts are generally attributed to the INTP’s inferior Fe function.  While such terminology does provide a convenient shorthand, it does little to clarify the INTP’s emotional experience.  Fe is a label, not an explanation.  We might still want to know:

  • Why do these outbursts occur?
  • Are emotional outbursts a sign of some behavioral deficiency that can be “trained up”, or is something else going on?
  • What is the connection between these outbursts and the INTP’s typical emotionless demeanor?

***

I don’t know that my experience on this issue generalizes to all INTPs, but I suspect many people will recognize parallels…

But before I get to that, it is worth noting that my second question above presents a false dichotomy.  Though I will suggest that there is some else going on, it is also certainly true that such outbursts are - to some degree - a function of simple deficiency.  

Anyone who avoids expression of emotion will naturally lack proficiency in doing so. As such, we should distinguish between the simplicity (or complexity) of emotional expressions and their intrinsic intensity.  The former may be matter of proficiency.  The latter demands further examination…

***

Psychotherapist Irvin Yalom suggests that the human condition is characterized by four basic existential “givens” (concerns) that everyone grapples with on some level:

  1. Death
  2. Freedom
  3. Isolation
  4. Meaninglessness

These are the kinds of concerns that haunt INTPs.  It is also the kind of stuff that other personality types prefer to keep as far as possible from conscious awareness.  

When I feel emotions building up inside of me it is almost never a spontaneous reaction to external events.  Usually it is a groundswell of emotion building slowly in  reaction to some huge cathartic epiphany.

It is not every epiphany that can be described as huge or cathartic.  I have little epiphanies almost every day.  When epiphanies are huge or cathartic it is because they produce cascades that ultimately arrive at Yalom’s four concerns.  

Sticking with the theme of personality types - Just recently I realized that I had mis-typed an important person in my life.  I had assumed ENFP when in fact she is an ENFJ.  Immediately other pieces fell into place.  A friend who I had typed as an ENTJ…actually an ENFJ.  A former coworker with whom I had a complicated relationship…also an ENFJ.  

In that moment all manner of remembered joys and frustrations came into clearer focus…and those understandings cascaded into further epiphanies.  

Why had some personal relationships lasted while others self-destructed?

Why had some experiences triggered feelings of isolation or meaninglessness while others triggered a sense of freedom and will?

***

Other types often tell INTPs that they should express their emotions more readily, but they don’t really want to know about INTP emotions.  

They want us to express shallow “pro-social” emotions.  They want the emotional equivalent of small talk, to which they can offer some trite reassurance and feel like they have done their good deed for the day.  

They don’t want to be burdened with existential anxieties and they are rarely open to the implications of a cathartic epiphany.  If you try to explain it in your own terms you only provoke resistance.  

The reality is that existential concerns are scary.  They threaten the comfortable bubbles that most people spend their lives within.  

***

Next time someone tells you to show more emotion, you might ask:

Are you sure you can handle my emotions?


This text was taken from http://plumbingthedepths.tumblr.com/post/20466133202/deep-emotion


——-


The reason why I like Myers-Briggs personality test is because I feel that I’m understood by at least someone. I don’t mean that in a teenager-y kind of way, like no one understands me, everyone’s against me, etc. etc. But simply this: my greatest concern in life is that I won’t be understood; and I rarely am fully understood. When I feel like I’m really understood I get this short-term feeling of complete satisfaction; I feel completely satisfied in the presence of the person who understood me. It’s difficult to explain. But when I read about my personality, which is INTP (introverted, intuition, thinking, perceiving), I feel like there actually is people out there who know why I am the way I am, and if I was ever to talk to them I wouldn’t have to explain myself.I strongly dislike explaining myself. When I’m in a situation where I have to explain my train of thought to someone (especially emotional people) I feel the anxiety building up in the upper part of my stomach, and I just want to leave the conversation (which I mostly do). 

Sometimes I find that these explanations are a bit extreme, but on the other hand, they’re mostly quite accurate and helpful. 

The INTP personality

INTPs Extroverted Feeling (oh so true)

Feeling tends to be all or none. When present, the INTP’s concern for others is intense, albeit naive. In a crisis, this feeling judgement is often silenced by the emergence of Thinking, who rushes in to avert chaos and destruction. In the absence of a clear principle, however, INTPs have been known to defer judgement and to allow decisions about interpersonal matters to be left hanging lest someone be offended or somehow injured. INTPs are at risk of being swept away by the shadow in the form of their own strong emotional impulses.


Famous INTPs:

Socrates
Rene Descartes
Blaise Pascal

Fictional:

Sherlock Holmes


The fact that all these people have been my choices of great people and my preferences in comparison to other people in their areas of expertise, even before I ever did this test, shows how correct this test was in determining my personality.